Archive for October, 2008
Seasons!
Saturday, October 25th, 2008 | Grieving, Healing after Loss, The Power of a Positive Outlook, Unshaken Faith in Trials | No Comments
I noticed it in the air for the first time yesterday morning—that extra ‘bite’ of crispness, the added chill, the feeling of approaching change—and I felt despair.
I can usually tell how well I am doing emotionally by how well I welcome the change of seasons. Here, high in the Utah mountains, there are four very distinct seasons, and the progression of one to the next triggers different emotions in me depending on the season, and depending on my emotional state.
Spring—ah, yes approaching Spring! That season I always welcome. It means the end of barrenness, of biting cold, and the end of long dark nights and the dreary gray days of winter.
It means release from the heavy coats, scarves, boots, hats and gloves. It brings with it delicate color and new life, things that lift my spirits and fill me with hope and happiness.
Summer follows quickly, bringing with it freedom from the strict schedules of the school year, and ushering in the visual feast of the flowers’ vibrant hues, the innumerable shades of green in grass and leaves, and the deep blue of the Summer sky. And warmth! Oh, the glorious warmth of the hot summer sun, filling the trees and vines and plants with life as they produce fruits and vegetables and blossoms to delight the eye and the palate. Yes, I can welcome Summer wholeheartedly.
But Autumn . . . The last few years I have had a difficult time welcoming Autumn. Even though it brings relief from the relentless heat of August, and even in spite of the breathtaking colors with which it paints the mountains and trees, I cannot welcome Autumn—because always following on its heels is Winter.
Winter: cold, dead, dark, devoid of life and beauty. In speaking with other women who have endured loss, I find that I am not alone in this feeling. How can we endure this annual loss of all that is beautiful and warm and face months of all that reminds us of loss?
My computer’s dictionary defines despair as “the complete loss or absence of hope.” When that feeling came over me this morning, it was coupled with fear. I have been pondering my reaction, and one scripture keeps coming to mind: “God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
I looked through my Bible topical guide and read the entries listed under fear. In just a few moments of study I found eleven times the words “fear not”. I get the feeling it isn’t just an invitation! Could it be counsel that if followed will make the difference between a life of faith and a life of ‘quiet desperation’? Can we make the choice not to despair?
In 1 Thessalonians 4:13, Paul counseled the early saints, “…sorrow not, even as others which have no hope…”
His words made me remember that we who know Christ do have reason to hope—in any situation—that others might not understand. We have hope because Christ has promised us He will always be with us, through all our trials. Do we appreciate that as we might? I think not – at least I know I do not. Just think: our “walk with Christ” can be truly that—knowing our Savior is walking right by our side through each moment of life. If we ask to be more aware, and if we take notice, I believe we will see evidences that He is there.
We also have hope because we know this life is not the whole of existence—there is the hope of a better world after this one. One where, perhaps, winter will not chill to the bone and drain all color from the landscape and from life. I don’t know what it will be like, but this I do know: the scriptures speak of a glorious resurrection after this life, and I have felt the assurance that it surely awaits the faithful. God keeps His promises!
So, as warm days grow shorter, nights begin to grow longer, and I feel the bracing morning air, I can refuse to despair—because I have hope. I know that Spring will always follow Winter, no matter what—and that gives me something to hope for.
I can remember that God created Winter, and look for any good and any beauty in Winter that I can appreciate. I can thank Him in all things, as we are counseled to—yes, thank Him even for Winter.
And during the long Winter – as in the long season of grief – I can continually turn to our Creator and draw light and life and strength from Him, until the morning air once again hints of warmth and I feel the rushing joy of realizing – Spring is on its way!
With hope,
Roslyn
In the Eye of the Storm
Saturday, October 25th, 2008 | Uncategorized | No Comments
A few weeks ago I received an email from my brother living in Conroe, Texas—right in the path of the most recent Hurricane, Ike. His email included a photo of the meat section of his local grocery store. There was nothing on the shelves. He wrote that the chips aisle and the soda aisle were likewise depleted. People had panicked, and had cleared out the shelves.
The only injuries he sustained from the hurricane were muscle strain from lifting the boards to his windows to board them up. His home sustained some minor damage (broken water lines,) and he lost power for several days. Yet when I called to learn more details about how he was holding up, he was optimistic and cheerful.
He has been through quite a storm, but he weathered it well. He had found the calm in the eye of the storm.
I had read that in the eye of a tropical cyclone, there is a place where it is calm. No matter what is swirling about the circumference of that area, none of it hits or affects the center. It is a place of relative safety and peace in the middle of turmoil.
Have you felt turmoil in your life? Are there circumstances you feel you have no control over that are causing you grief, or deep disappointment? Do you wish you could find that center, where you could find some peace as your problems and trials swirl around you?
A term often used to describe a person who ‘has it all together’ is “centered”. I have felt that way, when I am doing well, and it is a good feeling. I feel peaceful, capable, and calm.
Right now, however, the signs that I am off-center are increasing. My laundry basket is getting full. The countertop in my bathroom is no longer the shiny, smooth surface I love to run my hand over. There are stacks of papers in my bedroom right now that need attention. I too often catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror as I hurry past, and instead of a smile, I see concern and worry lines. I run from one thing to the next – often late—and when I arrive, more often than not I find I don’t have with me the necessary items to complete my errand.
What ’storm’ am I dealing with? The happy preparations for weddings for two daughters, and helping prepare a son to leave on a two-year church mission. Why is my life feeling out of control when I have such joyful things to celebrate?
As I examine my life recently, I see I have neglected some vital basics. Just as in the early days of my grieving, I have allowed that which demands my immediate attention to crowd out what is vital to my well-being. Those things that allow me to feel calm and peaceful have been overlooked in the rush to accomplish everything on my “to-do” lists.
I know what I need to do. In the midst of this ‘storm’, albeit a happy one, I need to take the time to connect with my Creator daily, by reading and pondering His words.
I need to take the time to pray, and listen for His guidance. My relationship with Him needs to be my first priority.
A great man once said, “When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.” 1
As I have learned to grieve, putting God first has made all the difference. He has given me strength to keep going, one day at a time. And He has led me to that calm in the eye of each storm of life, and each time He does, I find peace.
I pray that you, too may find that calm, and know that God waits to lead you there.
In peace,
Roslyn
1 Ezra Taft Benson, LDS April Conference 1988
What are you thinking?
Monday, October 13th, 2008 | Uncategorized | No Comments
Have you ever made a mistake, and had someone look at you in disappointment and say, “What on earth were you thinking?”
Sometimes I have to agree with them, and I think, “What was I thinking?”
This morning I was listening in to a call with Robert G. Allen, the millionaire who is most famous for his book, Nothing Down. He was speaking about the things we think about – specifically what we ask ourselves. He proposed that the way we ask ourselves questions affects deeply the way we behave and the way we see the world.
For instance, have you found yourself asking, “Why did this have to happen?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Will bad things ever stop happening to me?” “Why is life so hard?”
Mr. Allen contends that those questions lead nowhere. Some are unanswerable (“Why did this have to happen?”;) others only lead to debilitating thoughts and attitudes (“Why is life so hard?”)
The truth is, life is all about problems. Times without problems are scarce. Jenkins Lloyd Jones said the following:
“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.
“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”1
I think he is right. The “beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed” are unfortunately very rare. We are unrealistic if we seek that carefree, ‘happily-ever-after’ life that we heard about in the fairy tales.
So, if life is all about problems and learning to solve them, what kind of questions should we be allowing ourselves to ask?
I have found that the most helpful question I can ask when I begin to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or fearful is, “What can I learn from this?” Often, to be able to face life and the challenges I am dealing with, I have to break life down into tiny increments, and then my question is, “What is the very best use of the next fifteen minutes?”
Many times, it is a nap! I call them ‘power naps’, because they are short – fifteen to thirty minutes long – but they renew my energy and give me the power to move ahead for a few more hours. After a power nap, my outlook is always brighter, and I can ask the positive questions more easily.
In their book Killing Sacred Cows, Garret B. Gunderson and Stephen Palmer ask:
“How do we find freedom on a day-to-day basis? One powerful way is to ask yourself the right questions. Who is ultimately responsible for your prosperity? How can you overcome your fears?How can you be less selfish? What do you really want out of life? What do you have to give, that has not been given because of fear or other limiting factors? Who can you serve today? How can you increase your value to others?”
Can you see how those questions turn one’s thoughts outward and upward? I know from my own experience that as soon as we begin asking ourselves these motivating questions, rather than debilitating ones, we are given strength to do something positive.
Richard Paul Evans, philanthropist and author of The Christmas Box suggests keeping an “idea journal” where we write the answers to these questions as we receive them. Some of his ideas have brought great prosperity; others have brought new life and sweetness to his relationships.
I am finding the same thing. As I ask the right questions, and record my answers, and begin to work on those answers, my outlook is becoming more positive. I am able to accept the fact that life can be hard, but my attitude can be positive no matter what I am going through.
What are you thinking? Perhaps beginning to ask more positive questions can be the beginning of a more optimistic chapter in your life, too. I pray it will be so!
Thinking of you,
Roslyn
Like Mary
Sunday, October 12th, 2008 | Uncategorized | No Comments
When an angel announced to Mary what changes the future held for her, she asked,
“How shall this be . . .?”
From her perspective, she could not fathom how what she had been told could be possible.
When the angel reminded her that “with God nothing shall be impossible”, she submitted humbly, saying,
” . . .be it unto me according to thy word.”1
My grandson, Jefferson, loves to buckle the strap on his booster seat. As soon as he is lifted into the chair, he wants to buckle the strap. The moment he is lifted down after a meal, he immediately turns and re-buckles the strap. No one ever taught him to do it – it is a self-appointed duty that he has performed since he was first able to, and one he will not forbear.
One day Jeff had climbed up into his booster seat in anticipation of dinner and was trying to buckle the strap, but to no avail. He could not do it. He tried and tried, becoming more and more agitated as he tried. His father, seeing the problem, walked over, put his hands under Jeff’s arms and began to lift.
“NO, NO, NO!” cried Jeff. From his perspective, his father was preventing him from accomplishing what he most wanted to do.
Actually, his father was only lifting Jefferson to re-position him. Jeff hadn’t scooted back far enough in his chair, and so the straps could not possibly reach around him to be buckled. “I’m helping you, Jefferson,” his father had said. And what his father did assured Jefferson’s success.
Watching this, I thought, How many times have I cried out, “NO!” when my Heavenly Father has only been re-positioning me to assure my success?
Could it be that sometimes when things do not go as we would want, One who sees from a higher perspective, and who knows our potential, could actually be using our circumstances to help us become who He knows we can become? And could it be that He is in essence saying, as C.S. Lewis suggested, “Peace, child; you don’t understand”? 2
Many times in the last few years I have felt like crying out, “NO!” I don’t want to have to make changes! It is frightening to do new things and accept new challenges. However, looking back and seeing where those changes have brought me, I see God’s hand in my life, helping me to stretch and grow.
Maybe someday I’ll get to the point where, when I feel His loving hands under my arms beginning to lift, I’ll look up with complete trust and say, “Thank You. Do whatever You need to do.”
Like Mary. “Be it unto me according to thy word.”
In faith and trust,
Roslyn
1 Luke 1:34-38
2 C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed p.69
Ask for Miracles!
Sunday, October 12th, 2008 | Uncategorized | No Comments
A father came to the Savior, carrying his afflicted son, asking for healing. The Savior looked into the man’s eyes and said, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” The father said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
The father needed a miracle. He knew Christ could perform the miracle, and stated so: “Lord, I believe,” but then acknowledged that his belief might not be sufficient: “…help thou mine unbelief.”
We all need miracles! Life is a test—and tests are hard. When we have experienced deep loss, it takes miracles to heal and to move on. When it seems we cannot go on or that it is too hard, we can ask, as did the father in the story, “help thou mine unbelief.”
In the scriptures we read of a time that the Savior could not show miracles to a group of people, “…because of their unbelief.” We must build our belief so that God can do miracles in our lives.
I believe He is already performing miracles in our behalf, and we are perhaps not recognizing them because we are so focused on our own pain, our loss, and what we don’t have. When we are thus consumed, we miss seeing His hand in our lives.
Two things that have helped me in my quest for increased faith are:
1) Watching for and recording instances where I see God working in my life. Henry B. Eyring recommended that we ask each evening, “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As we look for evidence that He is there, we will see He is working in our lives, and as we keep a record of His blessings, we build our faith and belief.
2) Ask! The scriptures teach us, “Ask, and it shall be given you; . . . For every one that asketh receiveth . . .” Do we sometimes miss receiving a blessing because we neglected to ask? The Lord made it even more than an invitation: “ . . . ye are commanded in all things to ask of God . .” In asking, we are keeping a commandment, and showing faith that He hears and answers!
The more often I ask, the more frequently I see evidences of God’s love for me. May you experience the same, and may you find joy in watching Him work miracles in your life!
In love,
Roslyn
Guard Your Hope
Sunday, October 12th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment
“I find I have to ever guard my hope.”
‘Tis a gift to be simple…
Sunday, October 12th, 2008 | Uncategorized | No Comments
Sometimes it is the simple things that make the most profound difference in our lives. A smile from a loved one, a love note tucked in a lunch box, a touch on the shoulder to let us know we are valued—all simple things that send a vital message.
As I learned first-hand about grief, I found that it was simple things that made a big difference in my ability to get through each day. Some of those things were:
*Consistent daily study in my core book
*Fervent prayer, followed by a moment of silence to listen for guidance
*Allowing myself the needed rest. Grieving is a physical drain on the body. It’s not lazy to get the rest we need!
*Regular physical exercise. Even a 15-minute walk around the block does wonders for a ‘blue’ day.
Know that things do get better! Live in that hope, and do these simple things each day and I promise there will come a day when you will lie down in bed and it will hit you: “I didn’t cry today!” And it will be a good feeling.
With hope for your healing,
Roslyn
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