RoslynReynolds.com

“It looks like a dromedary…”

Posted On Monday, September 7th, 2009

Under: Grieving, Healing after Loss, Overcoming Disappointment, The Power of a Positive Outlook

Jefferson’s little brother had just been born the day before, on his birthday. His mother was still at the hospital, and his father had spent the night with Mom and the newborn.

He had just turned three. He had awakened early in the morning calling out, “Mom, Dad? . . . Mom….Dad….?”

I am “Grandma”. I was staying there for the birth of the baby and to help them move to a new home – two very big adjustments in the young family’s life.

I hurried in to his room, calling out to him as I approached, “Grandma’s here, Jeff! Remember, Mom and Dad are at the hospital with Baby Duncan!”

I entered his room and saw him standing in the crib, his lower lip quivering and tears filling his eyes.

“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?”

“I want Mommy. . . I want Daddy…”

I gathered him into my arms, scooped up his favorite blankie and carried him to the rocking chair in the living room and began rocking slowly, holding him close.

“It’s hard when they are gone, isn’t it?” I felt his shoulders begin to shake as sobs racked his little body.

“I miss them…” he said between sobs.

“I know, honey, so do I. We love them, huh? And we love to be together, don’t we? And we feel sad when they are gone, don’t we?”

He nodded his head in answer to each question, still quietly weeping.

We rocked in silence for a few minutes, and as his sobs subsided they were replaced by the jagged intakes of breath that usually follow such an episode.

How could I help him focus on something happy – and change his gloomy mood? An idea came to my mind.

“Jefferson, do you know what I remember?”

He shook his head. “No, what?”

“I remember something you got for your birthday yesterday – something that grows in water – and I remember that you wanted to play with them today! Would that be a good idea?”

He sat up, turned and looked into my eyes and said, “Right now? Before breakfast?”

This would be a change from his usual routine, and it was just what he needed.

I swooped him into his high chair, filled up several small bowls with hot water, and brought out the package of tiny colored capsules. “Watch them grow into amazing animals!” the package proclaimed.

I let Jeff choose the first few and place them in the water.

As they started to change and expand, his eyes got big, and he exclaimed, “What is it? What animal is it?”

“We’ll just have to watch,” I answered. “It takes time for us to be able to tell what shape they are.”

A head popped out of one foam shape, and a leg, and I thought, Yes, it is beginning to look like an animal. Jefferson called out, “How about it’s a bouncing turtle? No, it’s a snapping turtle!’

Turning to another, he shouted, “It looks like a dromedary!”

Peering closely at the next one, he saw a tail emerge, and said, “This looks like a meercat!”

I marveled that a child just barely three years old could see such exotic animals in little non-descript sponge shapes. Then as I thought about it more, I realized that his parents have exposed him to a wide variety of books, and taken him to museums, and to the zoo, and he is familiar with many animals I would have a hard time naming correctly.

Now, months later, I am sitting at home, thousands of miles away, but that day is fresh in my mind. As I visit with women who are grieving, going through loss or disappointment, and as I reflect on my own experience, I notice that there are varying responses to grief and difficulty, and it makes me wonder:

Could it be that as we become more widely read, develop outside interests, and are actively curious, we can see more in life than before? Could our tendency to be despondent be tempered by our exposure to a wider variety of experiences?

In their book How to Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life, Art Linkletter and Mark Victor Hansen suggest that using our mind to learn new words, discover new facts, attend classes, lectures, and group discussions helps “develop our intellect and curiosity and open new horizons of inquiry”.

As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 4:16, “…the inward man is renewed day by day.” We can be renewed by what we choose to bring into our minds, and it can affect the way we see our challenges and difficulties.

Just like Jefferson. When we turned to another activity, he was able to come out of his despondency – and because of his prior exposure to a wide array of experiences, he found greater interest in his new activity, and he was able to see much more than I did.

I said, “It looks like an animal.”

He said, “It looks like a dromedary!”

I think I need a trip to the zoo!

Yours for lifelong learning,

Roslyn

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