RoslynReynolds.com

Not Again!!

Posted On Thursday, March 5th, 2009

Under: Uncategorized

Two days ago it was a balmy 52%. After months of looking out my back window and seeing nothing but snow covering my vast back lawn, for the first time I could see grass.

Granted, it was grey, lifeless, and laying flat on the ground from being crushed by the weight of a foot of snow for three months, but it was grass. My daughters and I were so thrilled with the sight that we decided to go take a hike in the foothills near our home. We laced on our hiking shoes, threw on lightweight sweaters, and headed out.

We drove to the trailhead and started out. At the base of the trail, the snow had all melted, the pathway was dry, and we ascended quickly. As we climbed in elevation, we came across some areas that were shaded, and a layer of ice still covered the steep trail. Holding on to the bare branches of the trees lining the pathway, we skirted the icy areas, avoiding the sheer drop-off on the other side of the trail.

As soon as we rounded the next corner, we were out in the sunshine again, and the trail opened up onto a large plateau on the side of the mountain. We turned and surveyed the valley below. Although there were no leaves on the trees, and no flowers blooming that we could see, we felt the promise of approaching Spring. Ah, the pure joy of that thought!

This morning when I opened my bedroom shades, I gasped. Four inches of snow covered the back yard. Not one blade of grass is visible.

Not again, I thought. I am SO ready for Spring. I can’t to go back to Winter again.

Winter is everything that reminds me of loss: bare, bleak, grey, colorless, cold, silent, icy, dead. Every Autumn I dread its arrival; every late Winter I pray for its retreat. But as Winter retreats, it never leaves all at once. It fades, then re-appears; the weather warms, and then a sudden chill brings back the snow and ice. By March it seems the process will never end.

Mourning can be like that. We begin the healing process, and after awhile we have two or more days in a row where we make it through without weeping. We begin to think more clearly, and something unexpected makes us laugh with delight. It feels so good to be warming to life again.

But then another snowstorm hits. For reasons we cannot understand, something blindsides us, and we feel we are back at ’square one’. We are out of control of our emotions, confused, and unsure of anything.

Not again, we think. I am SO ready to heal. I can’t go back through all this grieving again.

What can we do?

First, know that it is normal. It is all part of the process. As we grieve, we move from whole rows of difficult days to the time when good days outnumber the bad. There will be the occasional relapse. Expect them – and prepare for them.

Secondly, remember that we are never alone. Though we may be sitting at the table by ourselves at every meal, and kneeling by our bed every night with no one by our side, there is One who has promised never to leave us alone*. He has promised us strength for whatever we have to go through, and as we draw near to Him we will feel Him there, offering love and support.

So when you open your shades, and see yet another snowfall, and think, Not Again!, also think:

I can do this. This will pass, Spring will come, and there will be a better day. I am not alone, and I have for my traveling companion He who knows me best and loves me unfailingly.

And He will be there, right by your side – again.

With hope for your healing,

Roslyn

*John 14:18 – “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

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