Life took a turn, however, on Monday afternoon. We were visiting my sister’s family at a cabin in the mountains above the Salt Lake Valley, and the cousins offered to teach my daughter, Meg, to ride a four-wheeler.

“Have fun – and be ’safety sallies,’” I called as they trooped down the cabin’s front steps. They left, joking and talking, and my sister and I settled down on the couches in the front room for a much-needed nap.

The next thing I heard was  my sister’s voice saying, “Is she okay?”, and my nephew’s voice hesitating, “Um….no…”

I awoke to see him carrying Meg into the cabin, obviously injured and in shock.

He laid her on a recliner, my sister grabbed a towel and  began tearing it into strips for bandages, and while we continued to assure Meg she would be okay, we began cleaning her wounds.

I began feeling light-headed. I’ve never been good around blood. But I was determined to stay present and to be a help, not a hindrance for Meg at this crucial time, so I sat on the floor as I attempted to wash the gravel out the palm of one of her hands, breathing deeply to keep the faintness away. We decided we’d better get her to emergency care immediately.

It seemed to take forever to drive her over the rocky roads to the nearest help in Park City, but thankfully the waiting room wasn’t too crowded, and soon we were ushered into the triage area.

As the doctors examined Meg, I became more and more relieved. No broken bones; no apparent internal injuries; no concussion – just a painful bump on her nose, a knee needing stitches and arms and hands in need of bandages for her ‘road rash’.

After the doctors made their decision and left the curtained area to get the supplies, Meg and I looked at each other, and I think we were both overcome at the same moment with the thought, “There were angels protecting you.” It was a deeply spiritual moment when we received that thought, and we knew it was true.

Later that night, Meg was lying in her bed resting when one of her cousins that had been riding an ATV behind her came to visit and see how she was doing, and he told me what he had seen from behind.

Meg had been following another cousin, who had turned to go down a hill. Meg turned too sharply, and the ATV lifted up on two wheels, then bounced down on the other two, and then completely flipped and rolled. It ended up right-side up – on top of Meg – who had landed face down in a ditch. The ATV wasn’t even touching her.

I know that for some reason, angels can’t – and don’t – prevent all tragedies. All of us who have lost any loved one are all too aware of that fact. Many of us know people who are para- or quadraplegics after incidents such as Meg’s. We were told Monday about a man whose ATV did the same thing as Meg’s – and he didn’t live.

Why was Meg spared? We may never know – but I can – and forever will express gratitude for those protecting angels, and for the answer to our prayer of that morning, asking for “protection in all that we do this day”.

As we strive to stay near to our Savior, He promises us, “For I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”*

As widows and widowers, and those who have suffered loss, even though our lives have not turned out as we would have hoped, I believe we can see evidence of that Heavenly help, and of those angels, in our daily lives. I believe they help us ward off despair, and whisper hope to our hearts. I believe they give us courage to go out just one more day and face the world. I know they give us strength to face the tragedies life brings our way.  And, sometimes, for reasons we may never understand, I believe they perform miracles that help us see that truly, we are not alone on this journey, and that Heaven is only a prayer away.

May you more often see the influence of those angels that are “round about you”, and may you, too, feel to give thanks for that Heavenly help.

With a thankful heart,

Roslyn

*Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

The book is about Alan Christofferson, a man who has everything, and how, through a series of tragic losses, he ends up homeless and begins a journey, walking across the country. At first, he walks to get away from everything in his past – but as he continues, he learns lessons that change his life, and realizes he is really walking to face his future. In his words, “This is what I’ve learned. We can spend our days bemoaning our losses, or we can grow from them. Ultimately the choice is ours. We can be victims of circumstance or masters of our own fate, but make no mistake, we cannot be both.”

“We are all on a walk. Perhaps not as literal as mine, but a walk all the same . . .”

It hit me in the early hours of the morning as I finished the epilogue that he is right. I too am on a walk, and I’ve been shuffling my feet. Some days I have even refused to take one step. I had once again slipped into that seductive passivity of victim mode.

Yet I have opportunities before me, all around me, that, if I embraced them, could burn more of the dross out of my soul, and help me to become a better tool in God’s hands. On the other hand, if I continue to resist them, that dross will grow darker and thicker, becoming even more permanently adhered to the chambers of my heart.

I want to grow. I want to be able to look back on this time of my life with no regrets, knowing I truly did the best I could. But I will need God’s help. The compassion and charity I need are not within me, but are gifts only He can give. I pray He can soften my hardened, selfish heart and as promised in Ezekiel 36:26, replace it with a new one.

There are more lessons to be learned from this powerful book. I will share them as I continue on my walk, and encourage you on yours.

Stepping out, once more,

Roslyn

Three days ago my step-father called me.

“Ros, there’s something wrong with your mother.”

I stopped what I was doing and drove immediately over to their home, twenty minutes away.

I found Mom, age 88, in her recliner, head bowed, slowly rocking. I took her hand.

“Mom, it’s Ros…”

No response.

Dad told me she’d been like that for over six hours – not answering when he talked to her, not responding to anything he said or did.

My brother-in-law Brian arrived and we rushed her to the hospital, where they quickly took her back and began the assessment and testing process.

As the evening wore on, family members began to arrive at the hospital. The doctors took Mom away for a brain scan, and after diagnosing the results, the doctors called us together for a family meeting.

“Your mother has had a subdural hemorrhage, and the pressure it is putting on the brain is causing loss of function. We could do surgery to drain it, but due to her age and physical condition, she most likely wouldn’t survive the surgery. Without the surgery, because she can’t swallow and has lost so many other functions, she may live for ten days – maybe less. Your family needs to make some decisions.”

Dad began weeping, and the rest of us all looked at each other as the doctor left the room to give us time to discuss the options. We referred to Mom’s living will, and realized that if we were to honor her wishes, we would not put her through the surgery. We decided to do all we could to make her last days comfortable. Financially, a care center wasn’t really an option – so we chose to have her transferred to my home so I could help care for her while caring for my children who are still living at home.

We met with the Hospice team; those compassionate people who help make the end-of-life process as bearable as possible. Arrangements were made; the hospital bed was delivered, and soon the medical transport team arrived and brought Mom in on a gurney.

As I watched her being carried in, I wondered what the next days would hold. Would I be able to provide the care she needs? The aides will only be here for a few minutes each day, and other than that, Mom’s care is up to me. How will I handle it? What will it be like to care for her as she approaches the final curtain of death, and enters the next stage life?

I find I am apprehensive and unsure. Can I deal with death this closely? I have to trust that God will give me the strength to do what needs to be done.

Once again, my life journey is heading uphill. I pray for strength and courage as the ascent steepens, and as, once again, I take one plodding step after another into the darkness.

Once again in God’s hands,

Roslyn

I used to sing in the shower all the time, years ago. I think it was always an unconscious, spontaneous reaction to joy deep in my heart. I would often find myself singing without even thinking about it.

But then when the hard times came more often and lasted longer, and my heart grew heavy, I couldn’t do it as often. The songs just died on my lips – if they ever got that far.

Then since Marty died, I don’t know that I’ve done it at all.

I never thought about it, though. It’s not like even once the thought crossed my mind, “You don’t sing in the shower anymore.” It was simply no longer part of my life.

But there I was this morning, singing, and I recognized it as a happy song from my youth, bubbling up from somewhere deep inside where it’s been hidden for a long time.

I was taken aback. I had thought I was healing well, months ago. Yet here was evidence that there had still been healing that needed to happen before my heart was free to invite those cheerful lyrics and winsome melodies back, and to let them spill forth without any conscious effort.

Is there more healing yet to come? Doubtless. Not only from the death of my spouse, and not only from the years of difficulty that preceded that event. I have yet to heal from random wounds that I’ve covered over, hoping they’ll be forgotten. I need to heal from wrongs I’ve done for which I cannot forgive myself.

I have found that healing comes best and most thoroughly when I draw near to the Great Healer, Christ, and ask for His help.

As I study His word, make changes in my life to be more in line with His principles, and try harder to follow His example, I feel His forgiveness and His acceptance of my weak offering. Each time I make even a little progress, my heart is lighter, I feel closer to Him, and I feel a deeper joy growing in my heart.

Wherever you are in your healing process, I invite you to join me in seeking Him, the one True Healer. I know doing so will bless your life.

And who knows, maybe one day you’ll find yourself …

singing in the shower!

To Your Healing,

Roslyn

(For ideas on accelerating your healing, see pages 37-117 in my book, SOLO – Getting It All Together When You Find Yourself Alone.)

After three years of constant despair, fretting and worrying, Mrs. Susan Smith reported that her worry paid off: her son graduated last week from junior high with a perfect record.

Right.

It’s a story we’ll never see. As a matter of fact, evidence all points to the exact opposite result. Worrying about something bad that could happen has never been linked with the accomplishment of what we want to happen.

Researchers tell of the “self-fulfilling prophecy” effect that often brings to pass the very thing we worry about. Dennis Waitley, Zig Ziglar, Leslie Householder and numerous other prominent motivational speakers and authors have each promoted the idea that we should, instead of worrying about something we fear might happen, keep at the forefront of our mind that which we want to happen. We would do better to constantly think about the outcome we hope for, and feel the joy we’ll feel when it is accomplished.

Just picture yourself when you are worrying: the crease in the forehead; the downcast demeanor; the knot in the stomach; the despair. Not a pretty picture.

As a widow, I find frequent ‘opportunities’ to worry. How am I supposed to sufficiently support this family? How will my sons do without a father when they need those man-to-man talks? How will my daughters fare when they crave the safe feeling of their dad’s arms around their shoulders, and there’s no father to provide that? Who will they turn to? Will it be someone I can trust?

I have found, however, that following the suggestion of the title to a popular song is a better course: “Don’t Worry; Be Happy!”

What good does it do to worry? It darkens my outlook, saddens the whole household, and, perhaps most damaging, blinds me to the blessings that are abundant in my life and to opportunities that may be right next to me.

Be happy? I am reminded of Paul, standing before the Pharisees and the Sadducees, having been persecuted, arrested, and bound. He speaks the truth, and Ananias orders “them that stood by him to smite him on the mouth.” Forty men are conspiring to “neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul” – and that night the Lord appears to him and says, “Be of good cheer, Paul . . .”*

Paul is in bondage, being falsely accused, abused and in pain, and still has more difficulty ahead to face, and the Lord tells him to be of good cheer.

What reason does he have to be of cheer? In John chapter 16, the Lord tells His followers, “In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”**

I believe He is telling us the same thing. I believe we can be of good cheer, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves, if we look to Him. He offers us comfort, strength, and courage. His life is the greatest example of looking beyond the difficulties of the moment to that which is truly important and eternal.

When I feel alone; when I can’t see the answers I am so desperately seeking; when I am deeply concerned about a child, or when my sorrow is nearly overwhelming – I can be of good cheer and know that as I do my best, in His time and in His way, things will work out. He is with me.

He is there for you, too.

Don’t worry, Be Happy!

In good cheer, 

Roslyn

*Acts 23:11

** John 16:33

Some women are abandoned by a spouse who no longer values the vows taken years before, and still others have had to seek escape from a marriage that has become life-threatening.

No matter the cause, there was always that moment when the realization hit – things are not going the way I had planned, and they are not in my control. We sometimes approach life thinking that our plans and hopes and dreams create the path we will tread. And although it is good to make plans, and to have hope and to dream dreams, life has a way of reminding us that we live in an imperfect world. There will be unexpected, unplanned events that will change the course of our life, and that serve as a reminder that often, life hangs by a thread, and we are completely at the mercy of a loving Father.

Just such an event occurred in my life Tuesday morning. My son-in-law called to tell me that my daughter had gone into labor two months early, and had just given birth to a tiny, three-pound, fourteen-ounce baby girl.

I changed all my plans for the week and made the long drive to the neighboring state where she and her husband attend the university. As I hurried into the hospital I tried to prepare myself for what I might see, but when my son-in-law guided me into the Newborn Intensive Care Unit, it took my breath away to see how small she really was.

She was laid on a slanted warming table, with monitors taped to her chest and stomach, a hood attached to her head that held two oxygen tubes in place over her nose, a tube in her mouth, another monitor attached to one foot, and an IV in her hand.

My daughter was standing at the side of the table, gently stroking the little bit of soft dark hair that was exposed through the hood. We embraced, and as I looked into her weary eyes and saw signs of the trauma and shock she had been through, I perceived that same thought: ‘”Things are not going the way I had planned, and they are not in my control.”

That little life is in the hands of God, and every moment she lives is a miracle. We are so grateful for the technology that is helping her to overcome the huge disadvantages of not being able to develop fully in the womb. But this afternoon as I walked the hospital halls, my mind full of the many difficulties she faces, I realized that there are probably many times when our own lives are in a dangerous place, and we may not even be aware of it.

One mis-step; one turn in the wrong direction, one random act of a complete stranger, or one natural disaster and our lives could be drastically changed or even ended.

We truly are in the hands of God. Though life takes unexpected turns, and though we feel totally out of control, we need to ask ourselves, whose hands would we rather be in? I believe we are learning the lesson of trust on this mortal journey, and I seem to be a slow learner. But each time I am in a frightening situation and I remember Who is really in charge, I can find peace as I submit to His will and change my plans to more closely follow His.

As John Nicholson said, “We must the onward path pursue – as wider fields expand to view, and follow Him unceasingly, Whate’er our lot or sphere may be. *

With you, in the hands of God,

Roslyn

*Come Follow Me, p.116 Hymns

Fresh starts.

Anticipation.

Hope!

I love the New Year.

New beginnings are vital to me. Even each new morning gives me hope because the day is yet unstained by discouragement or weariness. In the morning, I feel almost anything is possible! As our family kneels each morning in prayer, one thought often expressed is, “ . . . we are thankful for another day to live.” And truly, we are grateful for the chance to try again to be what we hope to be, and to do what we hope to do.

By the end of the day, the reality of what I didn’t accomplish can make me feel discouraged and overwhelmed if I allow it to. By the end of each year, when I evaluate what I have done and compare it with what I hoped to accomplish, it can make my heart lose hope.

But the New Year is full of hope. It reminds me that life keeps going, and I can too. It is another chance to learn, to grow, to find peace and to give love. It is a time to dream big, to think about possibilities and to believe in miracles.

So now, on January 1, 2010, what do I feel today?

Confidence that God is aware of my plight, and is watching over me, and will provide the way.

Assurance that if I keep doing my best, dedicating each day and each task to Him, He will continue to carry me, just as he has before. I will not be alone as I move through this New Year.

I love the book of John in the Bible. Christ’s words fill its pages, and today as I contemplate this upcoming year, I find great hope in verse 18:

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

May you have that same assurance. As you ponder the things you would like to do, and as you dare to hope and dream, remember Matthew 19:26: “ . . . with God all things are possible.”

Read Mark 9:23: “ . . . all things are possible to him that believeth.”

“All things . . .” Aren’t those beautiful words? We just have to believe.

It is a day of new beginnings, fresh starts, and anticipation. Our Redeemer stands ready to help us heal and help us to reach for our dreams.

May you feel Him near, and may His nearness bring you everlasting Hope.

To the future!

-Roslyn

What is it about Christmas that makes that “Happy ever after” feeling materialize in our hearts?

On Christmas Eve as we stood around the piano singing carols, I realized once again that it is not because of the tinsel, the holly, or the stockings. The Christmas tree has nothing to do with “Happy ever after”. But there could be no “Happy ever after” if it weren’t for “God’s own Son, the salvation of the world begun[2]. . .”

“The choirs of angels sang at the glory of the sight”, and “the bells of Heaven rang, all through the night”, because it was truly “Love that was sent from above to the earth.” Without that Love – our Savior and Redeemer – our ‘ever afters’ would be dismal and without purpose.

His coming provided the way to “Happy ever after.” It was the greatest gift we ever will receive. As Neal A. Maxwell said, “God’s gifts, unlike seasonal gifts, are eternal and unperishable, constituting a continuing Christmas which is never over! These infinite gifts are made possible by the “infinite Atonement.”

That Christmas feeling in our hearts is hope. That little babe in the manger came to bring us release from the shackles of sin and sorrow, and to show us the path to purity and peace.

Yes, we all “need a little Christmas” – and we need it all year round.

Yours rejoicing in that hope,

Roslyn

Holidays can be difficult for those of us who have lost loved ones. The first few years tend to be the very hardest – old traditions lose their luster – it’s just not the same without our loved one near our side. Memories of the times we felt complete and together make the present aloneness almost unbearable. The happy feeling around home that used to flow back and forth between us is missing, and that familiar face isn’t waiting around the corner to reflect our joyful smiles.

I remember early in our marriage sometimes being so overcome with the joy of the season that I would just run up to my husband and hug him. I felt so full of gratitude for our Savior, and for all He did to help and save us, that I couldn’t contain myself. Now, my husband is gone – and my seventeen-year-old son doesn’t quite appreciate the hugs the way my husband did!

But I am finding the return of that joy. I put in a Tabernacle Choir CD and listened to the English Carol “Rejoice and Be Merry”, and it’s exuberant grandeur completely overwhelmed me! Beginning with kettle drums beating out their joyful announcement, the choir joins in with, “Rejoice and be merry in songs and in mirth; O praise our Redeemer, all mortals on earth!”

As we approach this season, even with the pain of loss still in our heart, I have found that there is healing when I focus on the long-term of this existence. Christ was born, and lived, and died for us, so that we can once more be united with Him. I look forward to that time. I can feel great hope in this season, because He showed us how to live, and then he paved the way so that I can be re-united with loved ones after this life.

Through our pain we have had reason to draw even nearer to our Savoir and gain strength from His power to heal. Now, as the world celebrates His birth, we too can find reason to rejoice as we think on the great blessing it is to know Him, and to be His.

May you find that solace this season, and may you also “Rejoice and Be Merry”!

“Rejoice and sing, rejoice and sing,

Proclaiming the birthday of Jesus our King!”

Rejoicing,

Roslyn