The Power of a Positive Outlook
Help Is All Around Us
Friday, June 18th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Healing after Loss, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Moving On, Principles of Wealth, The Power of a Positive Outlook | No Comments
“Open your spiritual eyes to the help all around you.”
I had just called in, a few moments late, to a seminar hosted by Heather Madder, and those were the first words I heard her speak. I immediately felt a confirmation that what she was saying was true – that I am not alone, but that there are unseen forces at work helping me.
I am studying to learn about the Internet and how to more effectively market my book and coaching services. I sometimes have thoughts that I am alone, and that it is too difficult, and that I cannot do it. Yet Heather says, “The whole universe exists to support what you want to build,” and tells us that we need to have a clear intention and belief that the answers and help we need will come quickly and easily, and that doors will open to pave our way.
Another thought I have frequently is, “I don’t have time to do all I need to.” Heather teaches that we are constantly scripting our own limitations, and that we need to be aware of thoughts like that, which become ‘programs’ we may be creating in our own lives that are holding us back.
We can change those scripts! I decided tonight as I listened to Heather that my old way of thinking and system of beliefs is not serving me! I am going to take her advice and open my spiritual eyes to the help all around me. I will envision, as she suggested, people all around the world, sitting at computers, making connections to help pave the way for my success. She also suggested there are spiritual beings ready to help us as we request that help.
I believe that. I love the promise in the scriptures:
“I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”*
We are not alone!
I believe each of us has something to give to the world. Longfellow said,
“Time is with materials filled;
Our todays and yesterdays
Are the blocks with which we build.”
If we are to build something worthwhile to share with the world, we need to spend our time creating it – and we will need help. And I believe, with Heather, that it is there.
Open your spiritual eyes – and believe – and keep building!
*Doctrine and Covenants 84:88
She is Gone
Friday, May 7th, 2010 | Death of a loved one, Family, Grieving, Losing a loved one, Losing a parent, Loss of a loved one, The Power of a Positive Outlook | No Comments
I walked downstairs tonight, and turned the corner to the room where Mom’s hospital bed used to be, and when I saw the empty space in the middle of the room, my heart felt like lead.
I guess it might be that way for a while until I get used to the fact that she isn’t here, and won’t be, ever again.
It was just three weeks ago that the doctors at the hospital sent her home for hospice care, and we knew our time with her would be brief. We had them put the bed in a large room where there would be room for friends and family to come see her and gather at her bedside – and they did. Cousins, children, grandchildren, and friends all came to see Mom, to tell her of the love they had for her, and of her great influence on their lives, and to wish her well.
Early in the days of her care here, a friend told me that there would be angels coming and going as her time in this mortal sphere was ending. I felt them. There was a sweet spirit about her and in our home during her stay here.
Early on, she was still able to communicate just a bit. She let me know she wanted to help me – and that she didn’t want to be a burden. I think of sweet things she did or said, hoping to help lighten the load she perceived I was carrying, and it reminded me of the things she had done her whole life long – always doing something to help someone else, never thinking of herself.
I think of times I would walk into the room to see if she wanted water, or food, or needed other care, and the sweet smile that lit up her face when she recognized me.
I think of the times a family member would call on the phone, and I’d hold the phone up to her ear, and watch as the things they said brought an attempt at a word, or a sigh, or a smile.
Then, as the days went on, that smile came less and less frequently, and the recognition faded, and the responses were limited to an occasional faint squeeze of a hand, or the slight lifting of an eyebrow.
The last day, it pained me to watch her breathing. I gave her the medication that was supposed to make it easier for her, but it was never easy to watch the irregular rise and fall of her chest. Then, I stepped out of the room for a few minutes, and when I returned, she had taken her last breath, and was gone.
Although there were challenges – difficult ones – in caring for Mom, I will always be grateful for those days that I had the chance to serve her. I was not perfect at it. I wish I had done better. But I learned lessons I could not have learned any other way – and I was convinced more than ever before that Mom was a beautiful soul, and that I want to do whatever it takes to arrive at the same place she is when my turn to leave this sphere comes.
Thank you, Mom. I love you. I’ll miss you.
The Walk – Part Two
Thursday, April 29th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Death of a loved one, Family, Goals, Grieving, Healing after Loss, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Moving On, Overcoming Disappointment, Personal Care while Grieving, Sudden loss, The Power of a Positive Outlook | No Comments
“I don’t know what lies ahead of me..”
So says Alan Christofferson, the main character in Richard Paul Evans’ new book, The Walk.
Does any one of us know what the future holds? I can think of so many times in my life when I had a plan all laid out for the next weeks, months, and even years – and then, in the blink of an eye, everything changes. A phone call; a chance meeting; a turn of events, and life is altered forever.
After Alan lost his wife, his business, and his home, he decided to walk across the country to the place furthest from where his dreams all died. As he stops each night, he writes in his journal. His entries are brief, but telling. One night he wrote, “We can be victims of circumstance or masters of our own fate…” and I thought, “How can you write that when you have just lost everything, through no fault of your own? How can you say you are the master of your fate?”
Then it hit me. Alan had learned what Viktor Frankl taught: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances – to choose one’s own way.”
The night his wife died, Alan’s journal entry read simply, “All is lost.”
Shortly thereafter, he sat in despair at the kitchen table with two bottles of pills, contemplating taking his own life. He could find no reason to live, and was ready to end it all quickly, when he heard, from somewhere, the words,
“Life is not yours to take.”
Then, he thought he heard the voice of his late wife, McKale, whisper, “Live.”
I believe that is what each of our loved ones would say were they able to communicate with us. Not to simply exist, but to live with purpose; to choose our own way.
Again from Frankl: “Man does not simply exist, but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment.”
I believe we too can make that choice, and determine who we will be and what we will do with whatever circumstances we are presented.
There will be times we too will say, “I do not know what lies ahead of me,..” but in those times, we will also be able to say, “…but I do know what I want to become.”
That decision will change everything.
The Walk – Part One
Tuesday, April 27th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Death of a loved one, Goals, Grieving, Healing after Loss, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Moving On, Overcoming Disappointment, Sudden loss, The Power of a Positive Outlook, The healing power of Faith in Christ | No Comments
I just finished reading Richard Paul Evan’s latest book, The Walk. I needed a release from pressures and obligations that have been weighing on me, and it was the perfect escape.
The book is about Alan Christofferson, a man who has everything, and how, through a series of tragic losses, he ends up homeless and begins a journey, walking across the country. At first, he walks to get away from everything in his past – but as he continues, he learns lessons that change his life, and realizes he is really walking to face his future. In his words, “This is what I’ve learned. We can spend our days bemoaning our losses, or we can grow from them. Ultimately the choice is ours. We can be victims of circumstance or masters of our own fate, but make no mistake, we cannot be both.”
“We are all on a walk. Perhaps not as literal as mine, but a walk all the same . . .”
It hit me in the early hours of the morning as I finished the epilogue that he is right. I too am on a walk, and I’ve been shuffling my feet. Some days I have even refused to take one step. I had once again slipped into that seductive passivity of victim mode.
Yet I have opportunities before me, all around me, that, if I embraced them, could burn more of the dross out of my soul, and help me to become a better tool in God’s hands. On the other hand, if I continue to resist them, that dross will grow darker and thicker, becoming even more permanently adhered to the chambers of my heart.
I want to grow. I want to be able to look back on this time of my life with no regrets, knowing I truly did the best I could. But I will need God’s help. The compassion and charity I need are not within me, but are gifts only He can give. I pray He can soften my hardened, selfish heart and as promised in Ezekiel 36:26, replace it with a new one.
There are more lessons to be learned from this powerful book. I will share them as I continue on my walk, and encourage you on yours.
Stepping out, once more,
Roslyn
Snow Again?
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Death of a loved one, Grieving, Healing after Loss, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Overcoming Disappointment, Personal Care while Grieving, The Power of a Positive Outlook | No Comments
Friday was a beautiful early Spring day. The bitter chill had left the air, and the sun was shining brightly. As I drove around to do my errands, I noticed many people out in their yards, sweeping the gutters out, raking dead leaves from the flower beds, and pruning trees and bushes. It felt like Spring was just around the corner, and I felt so happy!
The next morning, we awoke to cloudy skies, which, within the hour produced snow. By late this afternoon, it was still lightly snowing. It felt like we were headed back into the dark, cold days of Winter, and I felt that darkness creeping into my home.
I turned on the lamps, put in some of my favorite music, and started making some comfort food. That day it was Curried Lentil Soup*, and the aroma of the basil and curry steaming through the kitchen cheered me and helped me realize that the snow outside really is trivial – and temporary.
It reminded me of the days when I wake up in a dark, cloudy emotional state, and how I have come to realize I need to have some emotional ‘comfort food’ to lift me – certain music I listen to; designated books to read; light and fresh air – to buoy up my spirits.
Do you have your list of emotional ‘comfort foods’ ready in case of stormy weather? When we are grieving, it is essential to have a way to ward off discouragement and depression before they settle in our soul.
In my book (SOLO – Getting It All Together When You Find Yourself Alone) I suggest several ideas to keep handy so that as soon as you sense that darkness begin to invade your soul, you can drive it away.
Begin your list today – and be prepared!
-Roslyn
*for recipe, email me at author@roslynreynolds.com
Thursday, March 11th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Death of a loved one, Goals, Grieving, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Personal Care while Grieving, The Power of a Positive Outlook, Womanly Arts | No Comments
Thursday, March 11th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Death of a loved one, Goals, Grieving, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Personal Care while Grieving, The Power of a Positive Outlook, Womanly Arts | No Comments
Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
Saturday, February 27th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Death of a loved one, Grieving, Healing after Loss, Help for Widows, Overcoming Disappointment, The Power of a Positive Outlook, The healing power of Faith in Christ, Unshaken Faith in Trials | 1 Comment
Headline: WORRY WORKS! SON ACHIEVES 4.0 GPA, THANKS TO MOTHER’S WORRYING
After three years of constant despair, fretting and worrying, Mrs. Susan Smith reported that her worry paid off: her son graduated last week from junior high with a perfect record.
Right.
It’s a story we’ll never see. As a matter of fact, evidence all points to the exact opposite result. Worrying about something bad that could happen has never been linked with the accomplishment of what we want to happen.
Researchers tell of the “self-fulfilling prophecy” effect that often brings to pass the very thing we worry about. Dennis Waitley, Zig Ziglar, Leslie Householder and numerous other prominent motivational speakers and authors have each promoted the idea that we should, instead of worrying about something we fear might happen, keep at the forefront of our mind that which we want to happen. We would do better to constantly think about the outcome we hope for, and feel the joy we’ll feel when it is accomplished.
Just picture yourself when you are worrying: the crease in the forehead; the downcast demeanor; the knot in the stomach; the despair. Not a pretty picture.
As a widow, I find frequent ‘opportunities’ to worry. How am I supposed to sufficiently support this family? How will my sons do without a father when they need those man-to-man talks? How will my daughters fare when they crave the safe feeling of their dad’s arms around their shoulders, and there’s no father to provide that? Who will they turn to? Will it be someone I can trust?
I have found, however, that following the suggestion of the title to a popular song is a better course: “Don’t Worry; Be Happy!”
What good does it do to worry? It darkens my outlook, saddens the whole household, and, perhaps most damaging, blinds me to the blessings that are abundant in my life and to opportunities that may be right next to me.
Be happy? I am reminded of Paul, standing before the Pharisees and the Sadducees, having been persecuted, arrested, and bound. He speaks the truth, and Ananias orders “them that stood by him to smite him on the mouth.” Forty men are conspiring to “neither eat nor drink till they had killed Paul” – and that night the Lord appears to him and says, “Be of good cheer, Paul . . .”*
Paul is in bondage, being falsely accused, abused and in pain, and still has more difficulty ahead to face, and the Lord tells him to be of good cheer.
What reason does he have to be of cheer? In John chapter 16, the Lord tells His followers, “In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”**
I believe He is telling us the same thing. I believe we can be of good cheer, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves, if we look to Him. He offers us comfort, strength, and courage. His life is the greatest example of looking beyond the difficulties of the moment to that which is truly important and eternal.
When I feel alone; when I can’t see the answers I am so desperately seeking; when I am deeply concerned about a child, or when my sorrow is nearly overwhelming – I can be of good cheer and know that as I do my best, in His time and in His way, things will work out. He is with me.
He is there for you, too.
Don’t worry, Be Happy!
In good cheer,
Roslyn
*Acts 23:11
** John 16:33
Ease the Pain
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 | Building Self-Confidence, Grieving, Healing after Loss, Help for Widows, The Power of a Positive Outlook, Unshaken Faith in Trials | No Comments
Ease the Pain
Have you felt it – the aching in your chest that seems to pull at every heart-string, and the thoughts of inadequacy that come flooding into your mind, and, though you shake your head, you can’t shake them? Do memories of tragedy and sorrow fill your mind unbidden?
I felt it tonight. I have been trying to hard to keep a positive attitude, to believe in miracles, and to have faith that, even though I can’t see it now, God has a plan full of success and joy for me. I have written affirmations and hopeful, positive goal statements and I repeat them frequently.
But sometimes those negative thoughts are persistent, and the pain settles in.
What then?
As I felt it happening this evening, I was walking past my CD player. I reached down and pushed the “Play” button, and soon I heard the strains of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, “For the Beauty of the Earth.”
I knew it would work. Something about beautiful music, paired with inspired words, can drive out the darkness and bring back my hope.
“For the beauty of each hour
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale and tree and flower,
Sun and moon and stars of light.
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our joyful hymn of praise.”
Leslie Householder, author of the books The Jack Rabbit Factor and Portal to Genius says that when we reach our low points, the very best attitude to adopt is one of gratitude. Nothing invites inspiration and goodness, hope and success into our lives like gratitude.
That song always fills me with gratitude – and tonight, by the time the singing was finished, the pain had lessened. My mind was filled with images of the beauties of creation, and I realized, once again, that no matter what problems are threatening my peace, I do have much to be grateful for.
I silently gave thanks to my Creator for the beauties He surrounds us with, for dear friends and family, and for all things that testify of His great love for us. I know He is aware of me and sends help for my challenges – and, truly, I see evidence of His love in so many ways every day. I was humbled – and felt to repent of my short-sightedness. He is there. He will provide the way. I need only believe.
“For each perfect gift of Thine
To our race so freely given,
Graces human and divine,
Flowers of earth and buds of heav’n,
Lord of all, to Thee we raise
This our joyful hymn of praise.”
Go Take a Walk!
Saturday, January 16th, 2010 | Grieving, Healing after Loss, Health and Grieving, The Power of a Positive Outlook | No Comments
I was visiting with a prominent family counselor in our area the other day, and when the subject of discouragement and depression came up, he said,
“You know, my friend is a medical doctor. He sees an inordinate number of women who come asking to be treated for depression. He recommends exercise – which is his preferred prescription; but most often the women choose medication.”
“He said he felt that 80% of the medications he prescribes could be eliminated with regular exercise. There is just no good substitute for the emotional lift that exercise brings.”
Eighty percent! Does that shock you the way it did me?
That number was incredible to me. I studied anti-depressants one semester years ago, and became very wary of them. I know several people dealing with the difficult side effects of various anti-depressants. I am aware of the financial burden those medications create. When I dealt with depression several years ago those considerations caused me to seek out alternatives, and my findings concurred with the medical doctor’s advice – exercise is vitally important to driving out the blues.
I am a hopeless romantic. I love the lifestyle depicted in the Jane Austen books: living in cottages or mansions out in the country; reading, visiting, and performing music for one another for entertainment; and the daily “constitutional.” That long walk was taken consistently, in winter as well as in summer, and I believe that type of habit is needed no less in our lives – probably more due to the extra stresses we face.
Exercise helps the body create endorphins, those mood-lifting hormones, and the more often we exercise the better we can feel. Personally, I want that effect daily!
Next time you have a blue day – or several in a row, try exercise. My favorite combination is exercise while listening to the scriptures, a motivational speaker, or beautiful music. Those two activities together are sure to lift my spirits, and invigorate me for whatever lies ahead for me that day.
80%? My head is still reeling. I pray more of us women will listen to that doctor – and go take a walk!
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