RoslynReynolds.com

Another Widow

Thursday, May 14th, 2009 | Friends, Grieving, Healing after Loss | No Comments

Lonely days; nights filled with sorrow.

A dull ache in the heart that never seems to ease.

“If only…” thoughts playing repeatedly in the mind, haunting the memory and threatening to destroy the rare moments of peace.

I remember those days, early in my grief. Whenever I hear of another woman losing her husband, I can’t help but offer a prayer I know cannot truly be answered: “Oh, please spare her those painful days.”

I heard a few days ago that another dear friend lost her husband in a terrible accident. The moment I heard, I thought, “Oh, no. Not her.”

She is generous; she is patient, she is soft-spoken and kind. She is ever thinking of others, and doing things for those around her is what brings her the greatest joy. She loves God, and the way she lives her life makes that very evident.

She is everything good. She has raised a beautiful family; created a home that is welcoming and filled with beauty; grown a garden that evokes a feeling of peace and solitude – a place to find oneness with the Creator.

Over the years as we’ve raised our families, whenever we’ve visited, she has expressed love and concerns for her children, hoping and praying that they will each find the greatest happiness possible in life. As we spoke of husbands, her love for her sweetheart was always evident, and I marveled that two so seemingly perfect people had found each other and had been blessed with such a loving family.

Family has been the motivating factor in all she has done. In the past few years, now with an ‘empty nest’, she and her husband were getting ready to spend the next years serving their family and an ever-widening circle of friends, together.

Now, together isn’t an option.

The funeral is today, and I am thousands of miles away. I long to be there, to take her in my arms and tell her that I ache for her, and that I will be there in any way that she needs. I want to help, but there is so little I can do.

What can I do?

I can let her know of my love for her. I can tell her I will be praying for her. My children and I know that those prayers have great power. We felt them in the days following my husband’s death.

I can be a listening ear, for whatever she needs to say. I remember there were some things I only dared say to another widow, for fear of being misunderstood, and judged wrongly by one who hadn’t experienced what I was going through.

I can pray to be aware of her needs, and I can offer friendship and companionship when the loneliness becomes unbearable.

And I can remind her that, although she may often feel alone, she is never truly on her own. There is always One she can turn to, who will never leave her comfortless. Widows are among those He is most concerned about, and he tells His people to “honour widows”, and reminds them that “pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction…”

Another widow. Oh, how I wish I could erase this event from her life. But I cannot.

How I wish I could ease her pain. I cannot do that either. But I know One who can. And I will pray, fervently, that He will.

I love you, dear friend. May you feel Him near you in your time of distress.

-Roslyn

Tags: Add new tag, Death of a loved one, Sudden loss

Seasons!

Saturday, October 25th, 2008 | Grieving, Healing after Loss, The Power of a Positive Outlook, Unshaken Faith in Trials | No Comments

I noticed it in the air for the first time yesterday morning—that extra ‘bite’ of crispness, the added chill, the feeling of approaching change—and I felt despair.

I can usually tell how well I am doing emotionally by how well I welcome the change of seasons. Here, high in the Utah mountains, there are four very distinct seasons, and the progression of one to the next triggers different emotions in me depending on the season, and depending on my emotional state.

Spring—ah, yes approaching Spring! That season I always welcome. It means the end of barrenness, of biting cold, and the end of long dark nights and the dreary gray days of winter.

It means release from the heavy coats, scarves, boots, hats and gloves. It brings with it delicate color and new life, things that lift my spirits and fill me with hope and happiness.

Summer follows quickly, bringing with it freedom from the strict schedules of the school year, and ushering in the visual feast of the flowers’ vibrant hues, the innumerable shades of green in grass and leaves, and the deep blue of the Summer sky. And warmth! Oh, the glorious warmth of the hot summer sun, filling the trees and vines and plants with life as they produce fruits and vegetables and blossoms to delight the eye and the palate. Yes, I can welcome Summer wholeheartedly.

But Autumn . . . The last few years I have had a difficult time welcoming Autumn. Even though it brings relief from the relentless heat of August, and even in spite of the breathtaking colors with which it paints the mountains and trees, I cannot welcome Autumn—because always following on its heels is Winter.

Winter: cold, dead, dark, devoid of life and beauty. In speaking with other women who have endured loss, I find that I am not alone in this feeling. How can we endure this annual loss of all that is beautiful and warm and face months of all that reminds us of loss?

My computer’s dictionary defines despair as “the complete loss or absence of hope.” When that feeling came over me this morning, it was coupled with fear. I have been pondering my reaction, and one scripture keeps coming to mind: “God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

I looked through my Bible topical guide and read the entries listed under fear. In just a few moments of study I found eleven times the words “fear not”. I get the feeling it isn’t just an invitation! Could it be counsel that if followed will make the difference between a life of faith and a life of ‘quiet desperation’? Can we make the choice not to despair?

In 1 Thessalonians 4:13, Paul counseled the early saints, “…sorrow not, even as others which have no hope…”

His words made me remember that we who know Christ do have reason to hope—in any situation—that others might not understand. We have hope because Christ has promised us He will always be with us, through all our trials. Do we appreciate that as we might? I think not – at least I know I do not. Just think: our “walk with Christ” can be truly that—knowing our Savior is walking right by our side through each moment of life. If we ask to be more aware, and if we take notice, I believe we will see evidences that He is there.

We also have hope because we know this life is not the whole of existence—there is the hope of a better world after this one. One where, perhaps, winter will not chill to the bone and drain all color from the landscape and from life. I don’t know what it will be like, but this I do know: the scriptures speak of a glorious resurrection after this life, and I have felt the assurance that it surely awaits the faithful. God keeps His promises!

So, as warm days grow shorter, nights begin to grow longer, and I feel the bracing morning air, I can refuse to despair—because I have hope. I know that Spring will always follow Winter, no matter what—and that gives me something to hope for.
I can remember that God created Winter, and look for any good and any beauty in Winter that I can appreciate. I can thank Him in all things, as we are counseled to—yes, thank Him even for Winter.
And during the long Winter – as in the long season of grief – I can continually turn to our Creator and draw light and life and strength from Him, until the morning air once again hints of warmth and I feel the rushing joy of realizing – Spring is on its way!

With hope,

Roslyn

Tags: Add new tag, faith in Christ, Healing from grief, hope