The Healing Power of Service
Grieving on Memorial Day
Friday, May 28th, 2010 | Death of a loved one, Family, Friends, Grieving, Grieving during the Holidays, Healing after Loss, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Losing a loved one, Losing a parent, Loss of a loved one, Personal Care while Grieving, Service, The Healing Power of Service, Uncategorized | No Comments
Memorial Day Weekend. When we hear those words, we often think of a time to honor those who have given their lives in the service of our country. Those words also often conjure up images of picnics, campouts, gatherings with friends, and lots of food and fun.
Other pictures comes to mind, however: a woman, weeping as she kneels with a handful of flowers at the fresh grave of her husband; a man at the cemetery, standing by the marker bearing his wife’s name and wondering how he can go on. To these people, Memorial Day has a very different meaning.
This Memorial Day, are you (or is someone you know) grieving the loss of a loved one who is no longer with you? Are you still at the stage of grief where your emotions are unpredictable, you live with a perpetual ache in your heart, and you never know when the tears will suddenly surface again?
Memorial Day can be a hard day for those who’ve experienced loss. But there are things you can do to help make it through this weekend – and that will help you move on with life. Here are five tips to begin with:
First, grieve. Grieving is painful, unpredictable, and it can be a long process. No wonder people want to avoid it. However, grieving is part of the healing process, and if we refuse to work through our grief, we will never heal completely.
Allow yourself to grieve. Find a place where you can let the tears flow and the racking sobs descend. You will find that as you do, there is a cleansing and a renewal that takes their place.
Author Deanna Edwards tells of the young child who said about grief, “Tears are what God gave us to let the hurt out.” Admit that the void in your life hurts, and that it’s okay to hurt. As a wise man once said there would be something wrong if we didn’t hurt when a loved one dies. Take the time to grieve, and eventually, if you embrace the grieving process, it will bring renewal and peace.
Second, reach out and find a friend. Find someone you can talk to, who understands what you’re going through, and talk. Share your sorrows; share what helps you each get through hard times, and you’ll both come away stronger. Sometimes the very best gift we can be given when we are mourning is a listening ear, and understanding without judgment.
Third, write! Take out a pen and paper, find a quiet spot where you can be uninterrupted, and remember. Record the good things that came from your relationship with that loved one. Write what you appreciated about them. Write about some of your favorite memories with them. One day these memories will not be so fresh, and you will be grateful that you took the time now to create something you can look back on and find joy in remembering.
Fourth, get moving! When we are grieving, often the most appealing activity is no activity at all. It is so tempting to crawl into bed, pull the covers over one’s head, and retreat. But grieving is not just emotional work. It involves the whole body, and exercise helps move the process along more quickly. Walk, run, garden, get out the yoga CD and follow along – just do something to move your body and get the endorphins flowing. Movement will help banish the blues and help you to look at life from a much more positive perspective.
Finally, serve someone in memory of your loved one. Even if it is a very small thing, find something you can do for someone else to lift their burden. The old adage “It is better to give than to receive” is true – and how better to honor the memory of the one you loved than to do a kind deed in their memory. Einstein said, “The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and learned how to give.” Many people have found that looking outside their own troubles, if only for a few minutes, and finding a way to give to someone else, truly has brought them comfort and happiness.
Make this Memorial Day memorable, by grieving when you need to; finding a friend to confide in; writing about your loved one; moving; and serving. As you do, you will find you make cherished memories yourself, and you will be further along on the path to healing, wholeness, and peace.
In Loving Memory . . .
Wednesday, May 26th, 2010 | Death of a loved one, Family, Grieving, Grieving during the Holidays, Healing after Loss, Healing from grief, Help for Widows, Losing a Spouse, Losing a loved one, Losing a parent, Loss of a loved one, Service, The Healing Power of Service, Unshaken Faith in Trials | No Comments
What will Memorial Day be like for you this year?
I know it will be very tender for me. Mom’s funeral was just last week, and I am still in that cocoon of early grief that I am not ready to emerge from. I find that it surrounds me with sweet memories, allows me frequent tears, and insulates me from feeling guilt for not being fully engaged in ‘regular life’ just yet.
I have heard people say this weekend is a depressing one for them. Too many memories, too many reminders that their loved one is no longer at their side. I can understand.
However, I have an invitation to extend. To bring a sweet moment to your weekend, rather than allowing your mourning to take over for the entire weekend, choose a time to find one way to honor your loved one.
It is one way for their influence to live on. If, because of our loved one, we are out in the world doing good in their memory, the world is still a better place because they lived.
Paul, instructing the saints in Galatia how to find their greatest happiness and peace offered the following counsel: “…by love serve one another.” We can do the same. Make a difference for someone else – create a bright spot in someone’s day; place a call to someone you know needs a lift; contact a humanitarian center and volunteer a couple of hours; deliver a handful of flowers to someone who is down. Your service can be done anonymously, or out in the open – you choose.
And do it in loving memory of your loved one.
Yes, they are gone – but we are still here, and I believe that we each have something good to give to the world. No matter how small our offering may seem, we need to give it – for the world’s sake, and for our own.
I think I’ve decided what I’m going to do. I am getting excited thinking that those who’ve gone beyond this life may be able to look down and smile that we are remembering them this way.
I know I’m going to look heavenward and whisper,
“This one’s for you!”
In loving memory,
Roslyn
P.S. Once you’ve completed your service, I invite you to my facebook page (search “SOLO – Getting It All Together”) to post what you did – remember you can do it anonymously if you wish – and let’s share what good was brought into the world in memory of those we are remembering!
The Light of the World
Sunday, December 21st, 2008 | Healing after Loss, The Healing Power of Service | No Comments
The Light of the World
I walked through the Washington D.C. zoo with my grandson on a cold wintry night last week, attending their “Zoo Lights” event. All along the sidewalks were displays of lights, depicting shapes of different animals, some realistic, some whimsical. His eyes were filled with delight as he saw each new shining figure. At the farthest end of the zoo was a forest of “dancing trees”, whose lights were choreographed to music, making it appear that the trees were moving to the Christmas tunes.
He sat transfixed in his stroller, his eyes glued to the dazzling splendor in front of him.
We took the Metro to see the Christmas Tree erected in front of the White House. We walked with hundreds of other people around the perimeter of the huge evergreen, ablaze with lights. In spite of the frigid weather, people stood gazing at it, reluctant to leave the beautiful sight.
On the way home, we saw what seemed like millions of lights, on decorations lining the streets, hanging from the eaves of homes, and encircling the Christmas trees visible through the open curtains on the windows of houses we passed.
During this holiday season, we surround ourselves with light. We decorate our homes, inside and out, with strands of lights, multi-colored or clear, to express the joy of the season.
We are drawn to light. We innately shun darkness and are constantly seeking more light. When going through a trial or a loss, we anxiously await the time when we will come to “the light at the end of the tunnel”, and when we talk of coming to understand something that before was obscure, we talk of finally “coming to the light”.
Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is The Light of the World. One who saw Him described Him thus: “His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying: “I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father.” 1
What glorious news! In this world where we are surrounded by so much darkness, we have an Advocate! We have a Light to guide and protect us. We have a Light to instruct and inspire us. We have a light to lift us when we are drowning in the darkness of despair. That light is Jesus Christ, “the “light of the world because he is the source of the light which ‘proceedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space.’ 2
His light is the true light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world.’ 3
His example and his teachings illuminate the path we should walk…” 4
This week as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, may every light we see remind us of the light He brings into our life. May we bring light into others’ lives because we have His light in ours. President Thomas S. Monson said, “Opportunities to give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. There are hearts to gladden. There are kind words to say. There are gifts to be given. There are deeds to be done. There are souls to be saved.” 5
The surest way to bathe in the light of the Savior, and to find healing, is to follow His example of service and love. May we use this season as an opportunity to look beyond our own grief and pain, and find ways to emulate our Savior, Jesus Christ, and in His light, bring light into the dark corner of another’s life.
In His Light,
Roslyn
1. Doctrine and Covenants 110:3-4
2. Doctrine and Covenants 88:12
3. Doctrine and Covenants 93:2
4. Dallin H. Oaks, “The Light and the Life”, Liahona, Dec 1997, 42-43
5. President Thomas S. Monson, The Best Christmas Ever, Ensign, Dec. 2008, 6
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